The Mess I Made
by WitsLooksPassion
Summary: Orlando A. Battista said "The greatest weakness of most humans is their hesitancy to tell others how much they love them while they're still alive." Spencer Reid empathizes. His friendship with JJ's younger sister has left him two choices: hide or seek.
1. Chapter 1

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Jennifer Jareau stood at the podium with visible anguish marking her usually lovely features, all ten of her fingers drumming anxiously against the cool metal in a weak attempt to let out some of the emotions that were boiling up inside of her. She flicked the microphone in front of her in irritation, and it crackled an angry reply back. More eyes glanced up at her, one person after another looking to her for some explanation as to why they were sitting, waiting for something to happen. Will, seated at the very front table near the small stage, was the only calm face she saw; he was smiling supportively at her and making a gesture that she knew meant to breathe.

To say the least, this is not how JJ thought her rehearsal dinner would go. Though, the whole thing had really gone quite smoothly up until this point. The guests had been wonderful, the food fantastic. Her team, currently whispering amongst themselves at one of the middle tables, had even made an appearance, despite the work JJ knew was surely piled high up on their desks. The champagne had been served almost fifteen minutes ago, when she had planned the speech that would be made by her maid of honor.

Too bad she hadn't shown up yet.

JJ had already stalled as much as she could, telling the story of how she and Will had met, thanking everyone from coming, but even that had only bought her about five minutes. So here she stood, brainstorming two things: ways to keep her guests occupied, and a few good ways to torture that awful woman for being so freaking late.

She looked to her team with pleading eyes, hoping they could somehow read her mind and tell her what to do.

Maybe Reid could. She wouldn't be surprised in the least if he turned out to be telekinetic.

They all looked back at her with different levels of sympathy, but she just gave them a small smile. She may as well pretend to be in control for the time being. She did take a second to notice how handsome they looked tonight, all suit and tie and pretty dresses.

The double doors at the back of the room flew open dramatically, and the relief the flooded through JJ's body momentarily overpowered the anger. A woman much younger than she tumbled through, all disheveled hair and huge eyes. If it weren't for their close relationship and the girl's expensive-looking dress, JJ would have thought that she was a criminal on the run from the cops who had busted into this dinner as a very uncanny mistake.

Every head in the room had turned to face the clamor, all their expressions in the same confused state. JJ scooped the microphone into her hands quickly, managing to drop it twice and send out a ear-splitting static sound that brought everyone's hand to the ears and their eyes back up to her.

After a quick apology, she gestured grandly to the apologetic and slightly bewildered-looking girl now weaving her way between tables. "Everyone give a warm welcome to Camille Jareau, my always astonishing baby sister."

Camille, climbing the two steps onto the stage and hurrying over to her older, obviously agitated sister, cocked her head and gave JJ a sarcastic smile.

JJ wrapped her arms around her sibling in a seemingly loving act, but used it instead to hiss menacingly in Camille's diamond-dripped ears, "I made you my maid of honor to help make everything go perfectly, _not _turn it all into a guessing game. Straighten up or I'll have to make you."

Camille backed up, still holding her grin. "Nice to see you too, Jay-lee." JJ tried to hold her anger as a shield but couldn't help but crack a smile at the childhood nickname. She sighed and hugged her sister again, deciding this wasn't the night to be angry after all.

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It had been near a half hour since the rest of the guests had said their goodbye's, and Emily Prentiss and the rest of the BAU team - minus Reid who, for God knows what reason, was most obviously craning his neck to look around the empty room - were treating themselves to the last of the champagne. Will, Hotch, and Giddeon had left along with the rest of the crowd, saying something about "official wedding business." Everyone had spent a few minutes tossing around ideas as to what the three were up to, but they all decided that it couldn't be anything _too_ drastic or dangerous, considering Hotchner's involvement. So they let the questions fade.

"You're basically whoring yourself out," Emily commented playfully as Morgan spread out the several pieces of paper marked with names and numbers. There were at least seven out on the table, and one written in dark ink on each of his hands. He never ceased to amaze her or any of the team with his blatant expertise of woman kind. She even saw Reid steal a distracted glance at the pile and shake his head before turning back to the utterly deserted room.

"It's not prostitution if he isn't getting paid," Garcia pointed out. Morgan gave her a nod of thanks and _clinked _his glass against hers.

"No, I'm pretty sure I saw the blonde stick a five dollar bill in his waist band." Camille Jareau, recognizable from her impromptu introduction almost an hour earlier, had soundlessly appeared at Morgan's shoulder with a broad smile marking her bright red lips.

"Junebug!" Morgan grabbed her by the waist and lifted her into the air as if she weighed nothing. And considering her slight size next to Derek, she probably didn't.

"Missed you, too, Derek." Camille managed in between laughs. He set her down and cupped her chin with his right hand, turning her face in every angle he could as to fully examine her.

"Nope, there's no way." Morgan said suddenly, waving both his hands in front of him.

"What?" Camille asked him carefully, the minute worry on her face making her dark brows pull together hastily.

"There's just no possible way you've gotten this pretty in the year you've been gone." he answered with his infamous sly grin.

Camille giggled and shrugged. "It was a good year."

"Okay, okay." JJ interrupted, saying good-naturedly: "If we're going to spend the rest of the night hitting on my baby sister, I'm going to need another drink."

"Don't worry, Jay-lee." tossing a think mass of dark brown waves behind her shoulder theatrically, she sauntered up behind Reid and gripped his shoulders: "My heart is already taken."

The young genius smiled shakily, all the ecstasy from the moment he snapped back into reality slowly being overpowered by a wave of uncertainty. She kissed his cheek, a surprise that seemed to come only to Emily; even Reid acted as if it had been expected. But not once had Emily ever seen anyone show that much open affection to her youthful colleague. Or seen him allow it

"Oh, please. We all know you're using the poor kid as a cover for your undying love for me." Morgan accused. Camille rolled her dark hazel eyes up the ceiling.

"Hey, Camille." Reid ignored her and Morgan's exchange and greeted, somewhat nervously after his cheek had been graced by the fleeting presence of her lips. She ruffled his hair in a familiar gesture and then blew a second kiss to Garcia, which the platinum tech caught and mimed stuffing into her cleavage with a loving pat. And then she looked finally to Emily.

"Okay," she laughed once and exhaled, reaching the hand that wasn't resting on Reid's shoulder out to shake Emily's. "I'm Camille."

"Emily Prentiss. I can't say that I've heard a lot about you, but it's very nice to meet you none the less."

"Ah, but that's where you're wrong, my dear _bambino_." Garcia pointed out.

Emily shot her a confused glance.

"Remember that story Morgan told about the girl that took Reid to the spa?" she prodded. Emily stared at her for a moment before finally making the connection in her mind.

"Wait, you're the girl who almost got Reid arrested?"

"Well in my defense, he still had on his socks. So its not technically streaking if he's partially clothed." Camille answered seriously while Reid grimaced at the memory, making the rest of the table laugh uncontrollably.

"That's the last time you take me anywhere." Reid said with conviction, this time making Camille join in on the laughter. Her chuckles slowing enough so that the tears weren't streaming down her face any longer, Emily caught Reid smile softly up at Camille while she giggled.

With some determination, Emily caught his eye across the space and gave him a questioning glance.

It was blatantly ignored, naturally. But Emily wasn't naive.

She wondered to herself if anyone else knew, but looking around the table at everyone's expressions - JJ, throwing back champagne and smiling a little too much to be insightful at that moment; Garcia, who wasn't paying attention to many other things than Derek and the fact that a button on his shirt came undone with every glass he finished; and Morgan, who would normally be the one egging Reid on in possible romantic situations, looked on at the two without a second thought - it seemed to her that she was alone in this questionable affair.


	2. Chapter 2

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Counting sheep had never helped Spencer Reid fall asleep when he was a child.

He found that the more he focused on the thousandth sheep or even just the thousandth number in his imagination, the more awake he became. So when he had trouble sleeping then, he would have his mother read him into unconsciousness, and on the days where her schizophrenia was getting the best of her and she herself had yet to remove herself from the bed, he would put on Mozart to soothe himself in hopes of sleep.

Since he was now twenty-four and his mother was hundreds of miles away from him, Spencer had taken out one of his older Mozart compilations to lull himself on this particularly menacing night for his mind.

Even he lay in his bed - sheets up to his chest and arms behind his head - and let the soft melodies play, he just couldn't find it within himself to fall asleep. He could blame it on the fact that he wasn't used to being home after a full week in Phoenix for a case. He could even say that the omnipresent mass of paperwork sitting on his desk at this very moment was keeping him awake. But he knew the real thing to blame was the scene playing itself over and over in his head, stubbornly refusing to fade away.

Spencer groaned designedly and flung his arm across his face. If it was an attempt to blind himself from the memory, it wasn't working. The image of a wilting sunflower ran through his head. He pressed harder on his eyes, but they just kept coming, some in different forms that pictures. The smell of honeysuckle and sunshine, the way it felt to have that hand rest gently on his cheek filled his already overflowing reservoir of memory.

Suddenly, his mental dam busted from the pressure. Everything he had been repressing over the past few hours came _whoosh_ing out, and the story played itself again, this time demanding his attention in a way that he couldn't ignore.

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_"Spencer." She paused then, her smile turned mocking. "Dr. Reid." _

_Ignoring her jibe, he again tried to persuade her into lying back down on the bed. Her blatant overdrinking at her farewell dinner would cost her in the morning, but at this moment it was costing Dr. Reid a little more than his sleep and sanity. _

_She finally obliged, though her eyes were as bright and awake as ever. Her dark hair spilled out across the pillow, making a black halo around her face. _

_"I'm not going to sleep until we have a very important little chat." her usually vivacious voice was abruptly commanding, and it took Spencer by surprise. He was used to the upbeat, sunny sound that was always distinguishable with her, but now her words were slurring so badly that that all had been lost. _

_"Talking's no good right now." he answered, pushing her hair back out of her face. Here, in the night-darkened space of my bedroom, it was easier to see how her beauty truly resembled the brightest of the shadows that danced across both our faces from rouge lights. _

_Spencer shook his head. No, not now._

_She grabbed his hand in both of hers and sat up quickly. "Okay," she shrugged. "No talking." she moved her face toward his in a swift movement, catching him off guard enough that her lips had just enough time to brush against his own before he ducked out of the way. _

_"N-no. None of that either." Reid stammered, feeling as though he were scolding a puppy instead of a twenty-two year old woman. But now he was disheveled, unsure. His lips tingled just slightly from where the ghost of hers now was._

_"You're drunk." he said simply. She rolled her eyes at him, an expected gesture._

_"Well you know what?" she sat up a little unsteadily. "People say that your real feelings come out when you've had a little too much." she poked him in chest in time with her last few words. "So, technically -" always her favorite word "- I'm just acting on matters of truth."_

_Reid couldn't help but smile. No matter where, when, or what state she was in, persuasion would always be her guide. And she was so good at getting her way._

_But not this time. As much as he wanted, _needed _for her to share his feelings, he knew that this wasn't really her speaking, but the endless mojitos she had kept coming all night. _

_"Actually," Reid retorted in the same smart tone she had used, "the brain is greatly impaired by the consumption of alcohol, especially in large amounts. Your senses, your thought process, your judgment...to say the least, you don't feel the way you think you do."_

_His own spoken words cut him deep, adding to the pain he felt in his chest whenever he would see her with other men, returning their smiles and laughing at their jokes. The pain of being the best friend. Always _just _the best friend._

_"_I_ think -" both hands grabbed the front of his button-down shirt, and she pulled him inches away from face, "- that you need to loosen up." _

_Reid squirmed uneasily and tried to remove her hands, but she was surprisingly strong for such a small girl. He frowned at her, "I am loose."_

_Snorting, she released her grip on him. No sooner than Reid had exhaled in relief, did she shove into his chest with her newfound strength, causing him to lose his balance and fall back on the bed. She moved fluidly before Reid had a chance to escape, straddling the young genius's waist and placing both hands on his shoulders. _

_"You don't know the definition of loose." she whispered breathily into his ear. Reid felt shivers go up his spine at the new intensity he saw twinkling in her eyes. _

_Reid whimpered at the longing bubbling up inside of him as she began to explore the skin of his neck, her full lips kissing him gently along every inch. _

_This wasn't right, he was well aware. There was no truth in her actions, despite what she had tried to convince him a moment earlier, and he knew that if this were any other night then she would never have acted this out of line. _

_"This is extremely inappropriate," Reid squeaked, and then froze._

_He remembered dimly a night in the pool, romancing the young actress he was supposed to be protecting from a psychopathic killer. He had told her the very same thing when she had first kissed him. In many ways, Reid realized, Lila and this girl were very similar. They each were very determined, driven and confident; beautiful and good-hearted, as well._

_And they both fantsied getting Spencer into very compromising situations with his feelings as the main contender._

_A kiss was placed on Reid's tense jaw, snapping him back to reality._

_"No," he pushed her back so that he was looking directly into her eyes. She was smiling, ducking her head under and around his restraining arm to try and get closer. Again, firmly: "No."_

_This time she dropped her grin, looking at him in obvious confusion. Reid made a stern face back, a hard thing to do since he was being slightly thrown off his game by the scent of honeysuckle and sunshine - up until now, something Reid had always found too dramatic to actually happen. She rolled off of him dejectedly and buried her face in the pillow, hiding whatever emotions her she was feeling. She pulled her legs up to her chest._

_Reid sighed at the pitiful scene, feeling as though he had been too hard on her. Maybe he had. But couldn't be sure, seeing as he had never had to keep a beautiful girl from seducing him before. He reached out a hand tentatively to touch her shoulder; she didn't move._

_Reid made a face. He turned slowly around to leave the room, but the sleepy question from the bed made him pause._

_"Do you love me, Spencer?"_

_For some reason that even he could not fathom, the question did not startle him; it just saddened him._

_He remained silent long enough that he finally heard her calm, even breathing before answering._

_"Yes, I do." _

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_He had sat up the next morning, disoriented and forced to rub his eyes several times before he realized that he was in fact still in his own house, just on the livingroom couch instead of his bed. He stretched out his sore muscles, rubbing his smarting back and blinking back sleep while making his way to the bedroom, where he knew things should be back to normal now. This fact would have put him completely at ease if it weren't for the discerning realization that he would never have another true encounter with her like he had had last night. But he knew deep down that he had chosen correctly, so he forced those ideas from his head and pushed open the bedroom door._

_Early morning sunlight poured in through the window; Spencer noticed that the curtains had both been drawn back and the window raised enough to let the autumn breeze chase through the room, something he rarely did himself. The cool air had kept the leftover steam from the shower coming in a steady fog from the bathroom, and a dark green towel was thrown over the glass door. The bed was neatly made, everything fixed just as he would have put it. All signs that someone other that himself had been here, but she had simply disappeared. _

_Spencer sat deplorably on the edge of his perfectly straight bed, unsure of what to do with himself now. She had left him here without even saying goodbye; normally people at least gave a final farewell when they left the state without a return date in mind, Spencer thought bitterly to himself. She was probably ashamed of coming on to him last night, embarassed that she had lowered her standards enough to hit on the eternally awkward and nerdy Spencer Reid. Or maybe she had felt that since they had grown so close over the past month that she she make a clean break, not just from him, but from their friendship. _

_A small part of Spencer knew that all the scenerios running through his head were unreasonable; he knew her well enough to know that she would never treat someone like that._

_But then why was he alone in this empty house on her last day in the city?_

_But the light voice in the doorway kept him from his rhetorical question: __"I would ask if someone died, but knowing your luck I better not chance it."_

_His head had snapped up, recogizing the tone right away. She leaned easily on the frame, holding two cups coffee and smiling at him._

_"You're still here." it wasn't a question, but an awed statement. "I thought you had left!" _

_"What?" she asked, just as surprised as he was. She walked over to the bed and sat down next to him, handing over one of the cups. "Of course I'm still here. I couldn't leave without saying bye to you, Spence." she bumped him with her shoulder and smiled._

_Reid furrowed his brows, wondering once again why there were only two people in the world that ever called him that. It was actually very common nickname in this country._

_"But it really is time for me to go. I have an early flight out." she added sadly. Sighing, she rose from the bed and signaled for Reid to follow suit. The pair walked slowly to the front door, each seeming very unwilling to rush the goodbye process, and so when they finally reached their destination they could do nothing but stare off in opposite directions, searching for something to say. _

_Spencer recalled a quote at that moment in which George Eliot said, _"_Only in the agony of parting do we look into the depths of love." _

_As if reading his mind, she asked him then: "So, um, did I say or do anything last night that you want to tell me about? I don't remember anything from when we left the club." she laughed nervously and looked away, textbook signals of a lie. _

_"Uh, well..." Reid stammered, weighing the pros and cons of a true answer in his mind; the cons definately overpowered the pros. "I didn't understand half the things you said." it was his turn to laugh suspiciously._

_"No?" she asked him._

_He shook his head and pretended to look at the clock behind him._

_"Well what about a question?" she pressed. "I feel like I asked you something really important but you just never gave me an answer."_

_Reid froze momentarily. She remembered everything from last night, obviously. He just prayed that she had really been asleep when he had given her his answer. _

_"Nope," he said with a small smile. _

_"Oh," she replied dejectedly, placing her hand on the doorknob. "Must have been a dream."_

_"I'm sorry, I was so busy trying to get you to lay down and sleep-" Spencer began his false amends; the look in her eyes made him want to kick himself for whatever he had done. She waved away his apology with a smile, then wrapped her arms around his neck and squeezed him tightly. _

_"I'm going to miss you, Dr. Reid," she sighed into his ear. She pulled back to look at him, her eyes boring into his with surprising force. Nervously, Spencer adverted his gaze. He heard her laugh once and felt her lips press against his turned cheek. "Bye, Spence."_

_"Bye," he said quietly. The word seemed hang in the air._

_She was halfway out of the door when she turned around to face him again. She was smiling when she addressed him for the last time: "You know, it was a very good dream."_

_And then she pulled the door shut._

_He watched the unmoving door for another good five minutes before realizing that she really wasn't coming back. It could possibly the last time her saw her, ever. _

_Spencer shut his eyes, hoping to keep that last memory of Camille Jareau alive as long as possible._

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Reid had thought for sure that she had left him forever from her first step out of the door. And the she makes her grand entrance into JJ's rehersal dinner - very Camille-like, if he said so himself - and the girl of his dreams was suddenly thrust back into his life. The only problem was that she had acted like nothing had ever been spoken between them, that the secret neither of them would openly admit was just something of Reid's imagination.

He had spent the days after her departure thinking that maybe her odd behavior during their last moments hinted that she felt for him, too. But was back to her old self at the dinner that night, turning any hope that Reid may have had into dust in the wind.

So now he was back to the old plan: keep Camille close without being too painfully obvious about the real intentions.

As if that were possible.


End file.
